DEAR ASK A THERAPIST: Do you have any advice for a donor conceived person about what medical tests to undergo and how to talk to a physician about not really knowing for sure the specifics of their bio dad’s health history? The donor says in the files we have that he doesn’t have any family medical issues, but I don’t know if that was really verified or how, or if he’s come across new information since the time of the anonymous sperm donation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. — DONOR CONCEIVED PERSON
DEAR DONOR CONCEIVED PERSON:
Thank you for this very important question, which I’m sure many donor conceived people share.
It is completely understandable to feel anxious about not knowing your genetic father’s health history. Unanswered questions often create anxiety due to the uncertainty they bring.
Most physicians today are aware of the increasing number of DNA surprises as a result of home DNA tests, so it is likely your doctor has come across issues like this before. We recommend you speak to your doctors about your concerns and get their guidance on how to proceed. See if they recommend a test or full panel screenings and meeting with a genetic counselor to help you understand your results.
It is true that the information on a cryobank profile may be limited and is a snapshot in time, and of course our medical histories change over the course of our lives. You don’t have the benefit of knowing what changes may have occurred in your genetic father’s family. However, physicians will often take a wait and see approach. It would be best to establish a great relationship with a physician you trust and follow their guidance.
Carole LieberWilkins, MFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist (CA, NV, ID) in private practice. Her work has always focused on helping people build healthy families. She is a passionate educator, helping intended and recipient parents understand the unique aspects of creating a family with the help of other genetic providers (donors) and helping them to understand how to address the needs of their future children or the children they are already parenting. Carole also works with prospective donors and late-discovery donor conceived people. She is proud to work with USDCC, Donor Conceived Community, and ASRM’s Mental Health Professional Group.
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