Ask a Therapist: Choosing A Donor
An intended parent wonders about the best way to choose a donor for the benefit of the future child.
An intended parent wonders about the best way to choose a donor for the benefit of the future child.
Parents who want to keep donor conception a secret are usually trying to protect their child from emotional and relationship distress, but secrets are no guarantee of protection. Just as anonymity is hard to protect for a lifetime, genetic information is hard to keep secret for a lifetime.
Deciding to use donor sperm or eggs is often a result of a fertility complication. In this emotional process, the consideration of how donor conceived people (DCP) will feel about their conception is often overlooked.
The answer is simple: as soon as possible. Donor conceived people (DCP) need to know the truth about their conception from birth, or at the very least, prior to age 3.